love is a state of action, not a place of arrival

hiya. if only you could see my spazzed out hair today. it's 70's style headbanded, feathered out post morning walk.

thinking about Love. for my east side book club we just read erich fromm's "the art of loving." points out that society's idea of love is that it's something arrived at when in perfect union. "us against the world." something shared uniquely among two. and i would of tended to agree. even if it was 'us' as in my family. or my best friend. or my wild crew of rabbits at the studio. the point fromm makes is that love is something cultivated within, it's a way of travel if you will, and not a destination. hence, it's something (as a goal) that you grow within and share everywhere. and when you do love an individual, you are actually loving all parts of life reflected within them.

i'm feelin' it! then i was listening to my zencast (search for it on itunes to download free) and gils (zencast teacher) was talking about metta - or the practice of loving kindness. the practice of first identifying love within and growing it outwards to loved ones, then eventually to everyone, everything. seems best starting as a seed planted, then watered daily, and then love as activity. practices of love (like right now i'm practicing love by being patient stopping to answer the dozenth q' from an intern). :*)

seminary students were instructed to cross campus and give a talk on being a good samaritan. the school were actually conducting a little experiment and in the students path they placed a person moaning in need. when they were told to rush, you'll be late, no one stopped to help. when they were told to take their time, some stopped. giving of time, expanding time, taking time, valuing others existence is love in action.

gils (zencast teacher) also spoke of his young son who for some reason all of the sudden had this incredible beaming smile for some stranger, as if it was his most favorite person in the entire world, sprouting light out of his little face. and the stranger didn't even notice, frowning on through life. that is what meditation is about, freeing up mind, to stay in the thick of the moment, noticing the smile given so freely. i was sorta beaming a bit on my walk this morning and i noticed how many faces it caught and spread. i made a lot of male gardeners *very* happy this morning. hahah.

anyway. love as an action. thought of the day.

ps just looked up "metta" - has also been translated as "active interest in others."

dangerous

morning. i'm dangerously happy.

was just listening to a zencast (zen talks from nor cal zen center over my iphone) about time. linear time, the depth and breadth of time. i need to listen to it again when i have more ... time. :*) one thing i know, i always feel as if i have so little of the stuff. but happiness. what is it comprised of? just ignited bursts of brain chemistry triggered by outside "good-things?" it's interesting, as i settle into my skin more and more i try to relate to happiness not by the oceanic currents of outside good-things (or droughts), but by something deeper on the inside. but that sounds so mysterious and much like words overheard repetitively at a bryan kest yoga class. so what is it to be happy from a source other than that caused from an onslaught of good news, i have a feeling it has to do with experiencing joy in the mundane, or at least being present in the everyday, nearly every moment. what i do know is i'm finding myself happy on my couch at dusk just staring at the dusty dark lavender sky. i think (for a busy-body like me) that is a fine warrior's start.

:*)

box of vitamin chair

i need a new chair at work, for months i sat on top a drawer of vitamins, which has now been subbed out for a hip 1970's butcher block chair - cool but not comfy. there are certain things i just don't have decorum for. that being one of them. i've had a friend offer to supply me with a new chair as the sight of leaning into my "seat" and pulling out pharmacological magic and other wonders of the vitamin world creeped him out too much.

so. we are back from nyc. you can read about that at my other blog ::
www.thejackrabbitcollection.com

i've been listening to zencast on ipod and it has been rooting me.

on sunday i was on a walk and i had this thought, "will there ever be a day where i am as happy as a couple as i am single?" my mind drifting off imagining me doing my happy-single-sunday routine in the presence of a well-matched other. in fantasy it feels just natural, genuine, easy, even better - then in my vision i start to cry realizing i'm finally as happy with someone as i am on my own. then he notices this epiphany in me and asks me to marry him to which i say "i'd be honored." i know. quite the little imagination of how it's supposed to be. but honestly - why not - i've held fast to the vision of the life i want with work, previously feeling like i fit no where in life, until honesty and courage stumbled me into this entirely fufilled career that i love.

it's just unreal - i'm so easily happy on my own. i'm undisturbingly healthy, focused, balanced. then then then i sink into a something and i feel some comfort sap out my natural life momentum and i just get...deflated slightly. is this partial to the person i'm coagulating with or is just me? and how much am i sounding like carry bradshaw? my x (particularly) thinks its just me. ha! well then. thank you for sharing darling.

so this week i decided i'm on the veggie and fruit ONLY "diet" with a side of extra working out. i've chunked out in my midsection. fast forward days later after said oath to Wholefoods, cookie aisle and i'm thinking, "ya know. that's just silly. the only way to peace is total acceptance, and the more i resist something, the more i fuel obsession and it just won't work." off i go, cookies in hand.

but it's true with me. when i'm just plain happy, balanced and too busy to care, my body sets into place just fine. it's when i get microscopic that i gain, no matter what. i've just been busy lately and i've been .. BOOZEY mcqeee. which can be blamed on guys friends. and all friends really. speaking of we have an event this weekend. hmmm - should i go with the velvet maroon mini-dress? scarf, jeans and hot top? is velvet maroon even in season? shouldn't i know this? :)

today in the car - i was thinking, hmmm. i feel pretty calm. i've made new choices to contribute to this. it's nice, as my "life" as it is packaged is never calm-encouraging. at work i've instituted de-stress friday once a month or so where a new staffer picks something riddddicccculous to do for de-stresss. like taking half day. pajama day. arts, crafts and booze hour. i know. you want to come work here now donchya? i had to do the de-stress, my youngest coordinator had so much stress she got a stomach ulcer. man. what do i do to these people?
xoxox ninja chick.