sun.day

so i got a vicious, invincible thorn in my heel yesterday, and i thought, well, it'll work itself out. and it didn't. it only lodged itself deeper into the epicenter of my foot until walking was barely optional. lizard (liz - best friend) was over after our first ever pb & jelly jam (more on that in a mo') and i considered letting her have a go at pushing the thorn out. see here's the skinny, i'm someone who does things myself, it's not easy to let someone do something like this for me. i don't like trusting someone else when inflicting pain and solving problems regarding body are involved, but i couldn't do it myself, it would take a committed few years of yoga to get at the angle necessary. fast forward, me bent over my couch enduring excruciating pain, with her pushing hard around said thorn to coax it out (you may think i'm a wuss, until this happens to you and you'll shout out your sudden understanding).

something in me wanted to just plea mercy and let it take up permanent residence, and then the thought came, sometimes i have to let someone else be strong and help me. sometimes i have to be the one face down, heal up being helped if you will. i can't exactly explain it, but it had to do with this uber efficient place in me that is overly independent and not used to receiving. and truth is, through the pain it was nice, completing, to have her, who i love and trust so much, have a way through the iron clad self sufficiency of me.

so my point is that sometimes the thorns of life are good; it's when life suddenly punctures us that we have this opportunity to let people in and open up to new possibilities inside ourselves and to the subtle, open way we can connect with others.

yes, all this from a thorn in my heel. :*) ha.

so pb&jelly jam. i had an off the wall thought this week after hearing that there's been local food bank shortages and crisis's, that we could make sandwiches and give them out on skid row. buddha knows why, but liz said yes. it was wild. downtown los angeles, end of sunday was like a world from a dystopia film of the barren future. there were only five types of people milling around the long desolate streets, po-po safe in cars (cops), homeless, an occasional small group of 14k clad ghetto boys hawking crack, street side preachers, and two white girls with a bag of pb&j's.

at first i was actually nervous. which is new for me. as i'm pretty ninja about these things. to which liz just popped out to the first person before i even parked, "hey you want a free samy man?" she was impressive.

it was a rich experience. people are hungry. and generous. a few people who already had stowed away Styrofoam guarded food wanted us to save the samy's for some of the others who had nothing. out of dozens that we gave to only one actually asked for paper money. there was such incredible gratitude and sorta shock.

several streets were just overwhelmed with homeless. on one there was a line formed, at the head of the line was a street preacher with a loud speaker. what a phenomenon. the new church. happening on asphalt to the desperate. i guess you have to agree with their god to be awarded with food? not sure. there was another group sitting in chairs in a circle outside listening to a preacher. one woman i gave a samy to said automatically, "and with jesus christ i'll take this food."

it does seem to have gotten worse in number with the drop in the economy. i used to shoot photography in the middle of the night in downtown years ago, and i have to say, there just wasn't this sea of people. it was particularly tough to see this man who looked like he was pretty newly on the street with his daughter. maybe that's just my interpretation.

anyway. coming home, pulling the key out for my door, to open a space that is all my own. a safe, happy, comforting place with food and options and entertainment, it felt quitely different today unlocking that door.

so. thorns in heels and pb&j. listen, not that i'm all bleeding heart. i also went to a gorgeous party this weekend and what else? read. wrote. meditated. man i do sound boring! ha. i love it. you should of read my old travel journals. that.was.wild. now "wild" is the ride i take on the inside. it used to constantly be on the outside. granted my business is wild, but even that, even in it's most gregarious, death defying dives and risks feels somehow... calm. balanced in a totally perplexing way. :*)

hi! our first guest blogger is coming in from emily of nyc - the incredible designer behind Aidan Mattox, she's a genius chef and one of the most full of life women i know. here's her thoughts on this friday.
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I have never blogged before.
Or kept a written diary as a little girl – although I owned several. All with a cutie gold heart shaped lock or a puffy hello kitty on the cover.
I was always uncertain of who I was writing to. Me? I felt funny in a pretentious way writing about myself: like I was important enough for someone to someday want to read what I had written. – Because I never believed that I was really just writing for myself.
Ahhh. But now I have been asked to share. I think it is because I have a husband that I really like.
We are going to a luau tonight. My girlfriend has just completed a full round of chemo and a mastectomy. And she is feeling well enough to host a bbq. So I said – let’s make it a luau!
I have bought grass skirts, flower necklaces, coconut bras (this is a sensitive situation – I ordered without thinking and will likely leave the coconut bras in my office) and all the ingredients for maitais! I asked her husband to download some don ho but he was unable to find any. I am suspicious that he thinks he cannot bear to listen to a whole evening of it so has decided to tell me he just can’t find it. He is British so I think the Hawaiian thing is just too relaxed for him.
The luau is in Harlem (nyc) on top of a roof. I will be the only white person on the subway on my way there and when I get off the subway, people will shout at me ‘hey white girl, watchu doin around here?!’
And I am going to give them my broadway smile and pretend I don’t speak English. This tends to work quite well. Usually people actually smile back.
Aloha! Have a great weekend.
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spill it my loves

morning!

i had this soft morning. tired just enough to be porous, receptive. and i had this feeling, the subtle touch of something that said 'it's all coming together. it's settling in.' the second thought struck me quick - you are a *very* funny girl mo - as my eruptive, colorful life is far from 'settled'. ha! but this feeling (the quiet in the middle of the storm) was distinct, that there are certain BIG internal hurtles that that have settled in, past. i just had an image of me on an english horse riding course swiftly vaulting on my own over the green covered obstacles. there has been soooo much in the last year that challenged me and so much feels solid in a surprising, new way. i nearly want to say, peacefully ready. :*)

last night the girls and i had a jewelry making party at the studio. it was fun, break out all our fun-stock and create things. i made a complete disaster like multi-colored chain threw up on my chest and i love it. i really love my team, this morning i was thinking, it's all our brand. it's been built and shaped by everyone invited in. it's such a team and such a community here. we have a bit too much fun.

ooo - also i'm going to open this forum up and invite in guest ninja bloggers to tip tap type in their thoughts. so! blog-on my lovelies, i'm going to email a few of you to get us started. we'll do topic driven, or you pick what you want to chat on, or spin off what i've brought up... i'll make it easy to start, you just have to email me your post and i'll throw it up...
iamaninja@ninjachick.com
only one single most important rule - there are no rules. a life of a warrior is one of vivrant humaness, not perfection. so spill it!

xo - mo

love is a state of action, not a place of arrival

hiya. if only you could see my spazzed out hair today. it's 70's style headbanded, feathered out post morning walk.

thinking about Love. for my east side book club we just read erich fromm's "the art of loving." points out that society's idea of love is that it's something arrived at when in perfect union. "us against the world." something shared uniquely among two. and i would of tended to agree. even if it was 'us' as in my family. or my best friend. or my wild crew of rabbits at the studio. the point fromm makes is that love is something cultivated within, it's a way of travel if you will, and not a destination. hence, it's something (as a goal) that you grow within and share everywhere. and when you do love an individual, you are actually loving all parts of life reflected within them.

i'm feelin' it! then i was listening to my zencast (search for it on itunes to download free) and gils (zencast teacher) was talking about metta - or the practice of loving kindness. the practice of first identifying love within and growing it outwards to loved ones, then eventually to everyone, everything. seems best starting as a seed planted, then watered daily, and then love as activity. practices of love (like right now i'm practicing love by being patient stopping to answer the dozenth q' from an intern). :*)

seminary students were instructed to cross campus and give a talk on being a good samaritan. the school were actually conducting a little experiment and in the students path they placed a person moaning in need. when they were told to rush, you'll be late, no one stopped to help. when they were told to take their time, some stopped. giving of time, expanding time, taking time, valuing others existence is love in action.

gils (zencast teacher) also spoke of his young son who for some reason all of the sudden had this incredible beaming smile for some stranger, as if it was his most favorite person in the entire world, sprouting light out of his little face. and the stranger didn't even notice, frowning on through life. that is what meditation is about, freeing up mind, to stay in the thick of the moment, noticing the smile given so freely. i was sorta beaming a bit on my walk this morning and i noticed how many faces it caught and spread. i made a lot of male gardeners *very* happy this morning. hahah.

anyway. love as an action. thought of the day.

ps just looked up "metta" - has also been translated as "active interest in others."

dangerous

morning. i'm dangerously happy.

was just listening to a zencast (zen talks from nor cal zen center over my iphone) about time. linear time, the depth and breadth of time. i need to listen to it again when i have more ... time. :*) one thing i know, i always feel as if i have so little of the stuff. but happiness. what is it comprised of? just ignited bursts of brain chemistry triggered by outside "good-things?" it's interesting, as i settle into my skin more and more i try to relate to happiness not by the oceanic currents of outside good-things (or droughts), but by something deeper on the inside. but that sounds so mysterious and much like words overheard repetitively at a bryan kest yoga class. so what is it to be happy from a source other than that caused from an onslaught of good news, i have a feeling it has to do with experiencing joy in the mundane, or at least being present in the everyday, nearly every moment. what i do know is i'm finding myself happy on my couch at dusk just staring at the dusty dark lavender sky. i think (for a busy-body like me) that is a fine warrior's start.

:*)

secret park

good morning!! had a beautiful morning walk. i'm lucky to be able to spend a lot of time in nyc and get doses of city city city and have the best of LA, living right next to one of LA's richest, virtually secret parks with long hilly paths and stoic, tall trees, plump ones with meandering leaves gyrating slightly in the streams of sun.

last night i went for yucatan with a lebanese twist, in macarthur park (cracka'town). then a play about a couple fighting to figure out attraction to each other after 25 years of marriage. it was hilarious and makes me hesitant to age any more. but that's the fate we all are falling into. le sigh. :*)

tip-o-da-day

hi hi hi!!

i got a request for a ninja tip of the day.

tip-o-da-day:::
spend one moment today to really connect with someone old fashion style. not by email, not by anything using technology. we are talking a hand written letter -(i would be so excited to get a hand written letter in the mail alongside my piles of bills i tend to ignore). or an in person conversation where there's lots of listening, hearing, sharing and maintaining eye contact.

man that can be hard for me. i can get shockingly quite shy when it comes to the eyes.

hhhmmm i'm eating a pear with honey! speaking of honey - my dad is a bee keeper. seriously how fkg cool is my dad?

both my parents - at some point i turned the corner from resentment and walls to openness and appreciation for who they are as humans. i tell the actual epiphany hospital style tale in the book.

i was sharing with my dad that the book i'm currently writing takes place in the jungle of brazil and he said, 'let's go!' and i'm like, 'wtf? really? that would be so cool.' honestly? there's no one i'd rather go with. most of my friends, i'm afraid, couldn't go as fast and gritty as i'd adventure. and although i'm dating several neeto guys, none that are foreign country worthy (yet). my dad is the man in my life! and it's so very cool that he wants to support that part in me. i've been nose deep in library books and although i'm an imaginative person, it would be so much stickier and tangible to be immersed. the funny part is the area i want to go to is the most peculiar and unglamourous. naturally. but it's where the story takes place. wow.

my parents are so cool. so individual. so respectable. both of them. so supportive and kind and generous and open. such a gift in my life to share with them.