do it! do it! put your back into it!

take the carbon use test - what kind of carbon footprint are you leaving the earth by way of your living?
http://bie.berkeley.edu/calculator

xoxoxo

anonymously kindly ninja

so i just did a very keen act of almost random kindness - but given that it has to be anonymous - (see chapter "Give" in Ninja Chick) i can't divulge. :**)

eco tip of the day - get your tire pressure checked! you consume oodles more oil with low aired tires. alleviate that and you'll be flying right, filling up less and polluting less.

we have a caterpillar project at work, i'll post pix at the other blog as i can't easily post pix here :: www.thejackrabbitcollection.com a blog about the bags, the belts, the fashion industry and behind the scenes to the everyday insanity of having a business.

xo - ninja

metabolizing tragedy

all i'm sayin' is that janis joplin had a set of pipes on her.

the only other thing i'm sayin' is man'o'man are my tuckers (read:feet) tinky.

so here's a topic. metabolizing tragedy. a how to....

i was at the library, pulling some research books on brazils illegal exotic animal trade (for a story i'm writing). two pages in to this one book and i'm cracked shards of shell, gooey sadness oozing out. images of the several beautiful monkeys skinned and hung by traders for a quick dollar. an image of another monkey, white face, downturned mouth and desolate eyes, still alive behind bars in transport, up to half of the wild animals trapped for export in the pet trade die in transit. what a waste of beings.

this. just. kills. me.

and if i were to dip the toe into all that one can notice about the world, i'd be drowning in reality. environmental ruin. little girls torn from homes into sex trade, should i go on? complete sensitivity to the worlds devastation would make a human just crack. i believe that's where creatives go mad, it's from that same core space where their sensitivity pools that they create, and if they submerge too deep in that place they become lost to the world.

some act in grave defiance (or is it ignorance) to the stark world around them and barrel around in Humvee's, using a styrofoam cup for a sip of water and throwing it away a dozen times a day, telling the rest of the world to stop huggin the fucking tree's. maybe in this brazen annihilation of the truth one can sleep at night, one can sink away into high thread-count sheets and forget about those that lay in dirt and starve tonight.

i get it. i do. i sit here in my humble abundance eating a melted yummy situation, with more than enough of assorted "things" filling up my senses. the is not to feel guilty about what we have and lurk in depression about all that is wrong, but it's also not keen to swing into a blinding surface-savvy oblivion either.

aaa so somewhere in the middle?

how to live in the middle? it's easier to loose my nose to a magazine and ponder all the pretty things of life, harder to touch into those pools of sadness about how damn wrong the world has become. and what can i do here? tangled up in the american way, where consumption and use precede my every step? i've wanted to turn down the cafe who serves on styrofoam, until i'm DYING for a cup of joe. sigh. it is time to do all i can. unrelentingly. and that is difficult. i don't know if you've noticed but i have an accessory company. a leather (dead animal) based accessory company. a fashion consumption company.

hold on a second. i need a cocktail if we are going to get into this.
hold pls.


---0-0

k. so where were we. dead animals. yes. in terms of my business, when i started it, i checked into using other non-animal materials, and they were far more toxic to the environment. also, what we use is strictly meat-industry after market. if ya'all want to cease eating beef, then we talk. until then, i follow the native cultures thoughts that we are at the very least respecting the animal by using all parts of it. and we are entirely fair labor, hand made in los angeles by families we know and like.

my other thought is that early on in my career i worked in the non-profit world. and lemme tell you - very political, unprogressive and let's just say ... muddy. during that time i was at a cafe in mexico, and this family who owned it, had so much heart, so much kindness and joy that it freeking emanated, you left with a blazing smile shining from your heart. it was then i decided that you don't have to join the peace core to save the world (although that's super), but you can touch the world by choosing how to be in it, weaving consciousness and kindness in what ever it is you do. and lemme tell you, fashion needs love and kindness. humans in every corner of the world do. the granddaughter of our neighborhood alcoholic (at the studio) needs a surprise holiday gift from my staff, the car washers across the street need an extra smile. the man at the library ringing me up needs an extra laugh. it's in the infectious ways we can shape the face of the world today.

yes. it definitely needs hell'of'a'lot more. yes i hear you my ferocious ninja warriors. but we can start there. with that seed that we all can plant and water daily. then we can start to also refuse styrofoam, help our brethren to understand oil consumption and pollution issues of SUV's, help our offices to recycle better, help our governments to set up more efficient, understandable methods to support recycling, demand fair labor products, carpool, bus or bike it! switch from clay based to recycled pine of recycled paper cat litter. switch to energy efficient light bulbs, turn things off when your not using them. plant more trees, feed people when they are hungry.

so at the very least (while acknowledging the place that some of use have the fortune of living in) we can be gently aware of the rest of the world, conscious of it instead of purposefully blind to cushion the sad tugging of reality. we can be aware and begin to weave solution and kindness into anything and everything we can. with a smile to a stranger or inciting a riot to protect a civil right. we begin and practice this daily. this is the warriors way.

by the way. i miss my dad. he left today to take my half brother to belize. and i have these incredible (hopefully irrational) fears that i'll loose him. hopefully by saying it, it certainly won't happen. i just am soooo slow. to get things. i'm just lucky to have my parents around to share life with, as an adult, now that resentment and walls have softened and fallen. it's great to know them. i just miss them as they have been several states away for over a decade now.

xo - ninja

monday? really?

yesterday was sips of mimosa flavored heaven. i made eggs benny for a few friends, then one friend and i went to the park behind my house. it was unreal the amount of humans littering the green. it was like one of those shots of an overcrowded beach.

as we and this other big cool group were leaving we noticed two of the women picking up trash. it was so ninja. to take that kind of sticky responsibility. we joined in. i couldn't believe the Styrofoamed, candy wrapped plastic crap people leave. shades of bright lilac, sweet pink, baby blue scattering the pointed bold green. it's amazing that people thrash the park thinking that someone will clean up after them. like the earth is one big trash barrel, "just throw it on the ground."

anyway - i was supposed to do random acts of anonymous kindness this weekend, now the good thing about that is its anonymous - so i couldn't tell you if i did or didn't. but let's just say my intentions are good. :*)

good friday

it's 10.29 a.m. and i'm already craving a messy tuna melt.

aaaaa - my secret weakness! (one of).

i suddenly realized it's a holiday. my thoughts on the matter? "arg i have to slow down work? really?" maybe the girls and i will color eggs today at lunch. my real thought on the holiday is that its a nice opportunity to do some random, anonymous acts of kindness. gifts to the world, packaged to individuals.

i went to the symphony last night. it was beautiful, there was a young, incredible violinist janine jansen. i love to see another creator so passionate that their body vibrates with intensity. she had a solid physical grace, must be a ninja indeed.

so anyway. random acts of kindness. it's my weekend mission. :*) hope it can be yours as well and by monday, there will shine a bit more light.

too much cheese

so tonight. for dinner. let's discuss.

on the way to the down town los angeles public library with anna - i had half a serious doughnut and a very large ice blended sugar full of sin.

home. tomatoes buried in a sea of melted cheese. more cheese. orange juice. when i was little i used to run around in my diapers with a stick of sharp cheddar in one hand and a glass of oj in the other. nothing.ever.changes.

anna and i went to the library to cruise old fashion rags for touches and details for new designs. it was so fun. rich. 1920's, 40's and 60/70's was my focus. weird to look at the time my grandma was around. did she flip through those pages? aaaa, oops, there's a moment bubbling up. i miss her. it's a very strange thing. this sort of loss. at first its so damn stark. blatant and cutting. abrupt. no goodbye. fighting to remember the very last casual phone conversation, grasping at the edges of anything tangible.
.... and then. there's that feeling, the inescapability of permanence. that this is one of those odd doors that once closed you just can't see back. time slides by and something feels missing, like a friend you;ve let too much time pass without catching up. too much life flutters by, a film projected before your eyes and the person had left the room. and feelings of my head laying in her safe lap on that sweet blue and yellow couch drift so far away. those german hands and their awkward intimacy. the protection. man. i don't know where this has come from and i've had way too much cheese to be having this moment.

:*) holy shit i miss them. that smarts. my grandma was just...so much to me. and she never got to see any of this. and whats more? i don't ever know that i *see* it either. it just rolls right off my skin like water on the back of a duck. that is apparently good for the unquenchable thirst of momentum, of moving my business forward. but ... hmm...at some point. maybe i'd like to just feel a bit of it? weird. just none of it sticks to me. not the first time i was written up. or an award. it all just is for the momentum. there are private times tho, that in the quietest places inside i've been proud, or rather, deeply content. the first time i brought my collection (of photography at the time) to a gallery. before i knew the owner would do a show with me or not, as i drove over, i, for myself, felt deeply happy. that i was able to ... state it i guess. say what i was there for. willing to risk. willing to share. and most importantly, willing beyond yes's, past possible no's. hmmm. another time i was deeply satisfied was when (hold yourself, this is about to sound very crunchy-west-coast) i was surfing and there was this wave, "the one," it was huge and terrifying and perfect. and it lead right to a death defying rock bed and i happened to not have my surf leash on, so it would of been bad to take it and loose both myself and my board to the rocks. that split decision. i went and it was the best ride ever. i just barely cleared it, but i did.

after i had my thyroid removed, and started my business, i stopped surfing. it's like they cut out the physical devil-may-care from me when they sliced right into my neck. :*) no. that part of me just shifted a bit, more into a centered focus on business, rather than just wildly chasing adrenaline. hmmm. i wonder when i'll be willing to do that with love? certainly not so much right at the very moment really. not that i know of anyway. hahah. there's just so much i need to do right now first. but i'd like to be more courageous with that as well (at some point).

i miss my grandma. i remember when she passed, when i got the call. my aunt. and i collapsed to the kitchen floor to a puddle of tears. and then i drove 100 mph past traffic in the service lane to san diego to arrive when she was all but a body pumped through a machine. i couldn't feel her at all. then i gathered myself and drove back and went right back to work. i'll really never forget that day. i was doing massage to support the founding of my business. and it was a private client, it was the young millionaires club party. (i know). and everyone was in such a different planet than i was right then. it just reminds me, when i'm at the library tonight with anna saying to her, 'can you believe, this is what we do for a living - its just so g damn fun,' that i've worked really incredibly hard to be here. 2 jobs at a time hard.

and again, i seriously have had way too much cheese. i just wish i could just say hi. just a hug. just an hour to catch up. see how the other side is living. large i assume. :*)

xoxoxox the ninja

today, this morning, i am so happy to be alive. i just got back from a morning walk where i discovered a brand new path that is just beautiful. how lucky am i to have working legs, a safe place to sleep (near a gorgeous secret park in the midst of a major metropolis), and a healthful array of unique cheeses and rich wines at my disposal. achaaa! what more?

feeling content. which i'm sure will dissipate with in the first twenty emergencies that will bubble up at work. :) the enjoyable part is i've actually acclimated now to it's gyrations. i'm calmer through so much that i used to loose my noodles over. it's like you can't get a rise out of me anymore. which is good, as it ignites a deep craving in me. a craving to up the anty here. a smile inches up my face. i love my "work."

on my walk there was a woman with a heard of sweet dogs. i'm a dog girl so immediately i was surrounded by panting fur faces. one of them i went to pet and he immediately jerked his head away, afraid and guarded. what i didn't see was his missing eye, and the deep wounded crevice that was there in it's place. once i bent down and let his good eye see my hand, let him sniff a bit, then he offered me his head. it made me think of people. that sometimes we don't see someones wound. we may reach for them and they respond from a place of hidden missing parts. you may not always know, see what the reason behind someones knee jerking reactions, yet the warrior, even when among the most difficult people, will fight to understand their missing eye. we all have broken bits and maybe in the calmness of understanding others, we can comprehend and gently carry our own with an acceptance inside.

xo -- xo

box of vitamin chair

i need a new chair at work, for months i sat on top a drawer of vitamins, which has now been subbed out for a hip 1970's butcher block chair - cool but not comfy. there are certain things i just don't have decorum for. that being one of them. i've had a friend offer to supply me with a new chair as the sight of leaning into my "seat" and pulling out pharmacological magic and other wonders of the vitamin world creeped him out too much.

so. we are back from nyc. you can read about that at my other blog ::
www.thejackrabbitcollection.com

i've been listening to zencast on ipod and it has been rooting me.

on sunday i was on a walk and i had this thought, "will there ever be a day where i am as happy as a couple as i am single?" my mind drifting off imagining me doing my happy-single-sunday routine in the presence of a well-matched other. in fantasy it feels just natural, genuine, easy, even better - then in my vision i start to cry realizing i'm finally as happy with someone as i am on my own. then he notices this epiphany in me and asks me to marry him to which i say "i'd be honored." i know. quite the little imagination of how it's supposed to be. but honestly - why not - i've held fast to the vision of the life i want with work, previously feeling like i fit no where in life, until honesty and courage stumbled me into this entirely fufilled career that i love.

it's just unreal - i'm so easily happy on my own. i'm undisturbingly healthy, focused, balanced. then then then i sink into a something and i feel some comfort sap out my natural life momentum and i just get...deflated slightly. is this partial to the person i'm coagulating with or is just me? and how much am i sounding like carry bradshaw? my x (particularly) thinks its just me. ha! well then. thank you for sharing darling.

so this week i decided i'm on the veggie and fruit ONLY "diet" with a side of extra working out. i've chunked out in my midsection. fast forward days later after said oath to Wholefoods, cookie aisle and i'm thinking, "ya know. that's just silly. the only way to peace is total acceptance, and the more i resist something, the more i fuel obsession and it just won't work." off i go, cookies in hand.

but it's true with me. when i'm just plain happy, balanced and too busy to care, my body sets into place just fine. it's when i get microscopic that i gain, no matter what. i've just been busy lately and i've been .. BOOZEY mcqeee. which can be blamed on guys friends. and all friends really. speaking of we have an event this weekend. hmmm - should i go with the velvet maroon mini-dress? scarf, jeans and hot top? is velvet maroon even in season? shouldn't i know this? :)

today in the car - i was thinking, hmmm. i feel pretty calm. i've made new choices to contribute to this. it's nice, as my "life" as it is packaged is never calm-encouraging. at work i've instituted de-stress friday once a month or so where a new staffer picks something riddddicccculous to do for de-stresss. like taking half day. pajama day. arts, crafts and booze hour. i know. you want to come work here now donchya? i had to do the de-stress, my youngest coordinator had so much stress she got a stomach ulcer. man. what do i do to these people?
xoxox ninja chick.